Saturday, December 25, 2010

So, this is christmas

Well, I just got home from the hospital a little bit ago. My mom and I were just looking at the tree and I guess Christmas is over. It was a long day-anyone who has sat in a tiny hospital room all day knows that the time goes by s-l-o-w-l-y. But I guess it was nice to spend some time with my family. I introduced my dad to the show Modern Family and he is already obsessed. While Julia was getting a breathing treatment, my mom and I played gin rummy. We also went out to dinner at a Chinese place. Which was weird. Because that's usually something that people who don't celebrate Christmas do. But we were an exception there by an unfortunate circumstance. I love spending time with my mom, but we always end up sad. I hope that I am able to cheer her up a little bit though at least. Even though there were no gifts opened and no fancy meals, it was still a goodish day. I wish I had been able to do something with my sister, but at least we could sort of still be together.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve used to be my favorite day of the year. But now it is probably the worst/loneliest. I am sitting in my room wrapping gifts for my mom. It is just so stupid. Julia and I used to always do this together. Actually she doesn't know how to wrap, so I would wrap the presents and she would keep me company and we would listen to Christmas music. Even when she was sick, this was something we could always do together. Now, she isn't even here and my mom and I are leaving in about an hour to drive downtown to spend Christmas Eve with her. I don't even know if she'll be alive next year. She is already gone in so many ways. I am just so sad and lonely without her. Christmas was always such a fun time for us. Now, I don't even feel like it's Christmas. Actually, the whole holiday makes me angry. What is the point of buying all this stuff for people when they don't even need it? The only thing I could ever want for Christmas is something that no one could ever get me. Why are we still buying all of this stuff and why do I have to wrap it? It's such a waste of time and it makes me sick. At least we're going to Christmas Eve service in the city tonight so I don't have to see all of the fake people at my church. I am so sick of living in a place where the worst thing that could happen to people is not getting what they want for Christmas. This town makes me feel sick to my stomach day after day. This entire holiday makes me feel sick. I hope there are a few people out there who actually appreciate what they have, who are enjoying spending time with their families instead of thinking about what they're going to open up tomorrow.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Where are you christmas

There is no christmas cheer here at all. It's understandable, but so awful. What is this tree even doing in my house? It just seems weird

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

It's beginning to feel a lot like......nothing.

It is December 22nd. I can't believe it. But it feels like it's August. Okay, no, it doesn't, not the weather at least because it's freezing and there's a ton of snow. So February maybe. But it doesn't feel like Christmas time at all. My mom has hardly been home at all and Julia has been in the hospital for over 3 weeks. Maybe the saddest part is that it doesn't even feel very weird. I feel like she's in the hospital the same amount of time that she is home. But she has never been in the hospital on Christmas. With my family dissolving, Christmas doesn't really have much meaning to me anymore. It's nice to see all the lights up and drive around in the snow listening to Christmas music, and of course the tree is beautiful, but what is Christmas really? It should be a time that you're with your family and thankful that they are around you....kind of impossible for me. I wish I could be thankful for what I have. Yes, I love my friends to death, but they all have their own families. Oh well I guess life just isn't fair.

Friday, December 17, 2010


I thought I would be happy to be home. Actually, it's terrible. My parents have fought the entire time. I hate being home. It's better than being at school, but just a little bit.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Procrastination Nation

Well my friends it is 1:11 am and I am in the Wells Library. I have really come to hate this place. At least I finally got my computer connected to the internet. Anyways, I am here because I left all of my business law homework until the last minute. Why would I ever do it when it was actually assigned? It's all due tomorrow at 9:30 am which I think is a little mean. Couldn't it at least be due tomorrow night? Anyways, I have 3 papers left to write. I actually like writing papers, but they are on boring subjects that I am not really interested in and don't know about. Of course I already did the interesting ones and have had them out of the way for a while. Even though I am dreaming about opening up the window in my room and snuggling in my bed, I know that time is very far off. If I even make it there at all tonight. I wish I could just make myself do this work. But of course I am doing everything but the work I actually have to do. Do you ever feel that way? On another note, Morgan and I witnessed a couple getting a little too touchy feely in the library. Look at my mobile uploads on facebook and you will know what I mean! We are even in the quiet section....just doesn't seem right. Even though most people have cleared out, the couple is still here! They are actually working now though. Sadly, they have probably gotten a lot more accomplished tonight than I have. I must say, I am quite depressed. So much work, this weather, my sister not doing well, and just missing all of my friends and knowing I cannot be with them is really getting to me. I am trying to stay positive, but it gets harder and harder. At least I will be home soon. That is pretty much the only thing keeping me going. I think I'm going to try to work out tomorrow, maybe some physical exertion would raise my spirits. But who knows. I hope everyone's hanging in there during finals week. If you have some big projects due--take a tip and TRY to start them 2 days ahead of when it's due. That doesn't seem like a lot of time, but trust me it would have made a big difference.

Day of hell

EVERYTHING for my business law class is due tomorrow. So today is going to be just an awful day because I'm going to have to cram and finish all of the work that I should have been keeping up with all semester. And I just found out that I have to go to a meeting tonight. I can't wait for tomorrow when I will be completely done with all of this. I just have the worst stomach ache and I want to go back to bed so badly. On the bright side, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" just came on my iTunes. It's a good sign because that is one of my favorite songs.

Monday, December 6, 2010

17 degrees

That's what the temperature was today. I HATE cold weather. It makes me in the worst mood ever.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Less than 2 weeks

Currently, I am sitting in the library listening to the Holiday Lite. You may ask, how can you be in Indiana listening to a Chicago radio station? But no worries, it is online for those of you who didn't know. So you can always here your favorite Christmas classics no matter where you are! Anyways, I guess I'm trying to cheer myself up and it is working a little. Sometimes I feel like every Christmas gets worse. Even though I really do love Christmas. I guess it's just that every day gets worse. Problems at home always seem to overshadow everything else, which sucks, but it's part of life. Lately I just haven't been able to concentrate on other things.
In the meantime, I have a TON of work to do. Finals are only a week and a half away so it's pretty stressful as you can imagine. But I am going home again in less than 2 weeks- that thought is really keeping me going. Hopefully my mom will be able to drive down and pick me up because it's always a lot of fun to spend some time with her. Even though being at home is very stressful, it is rewarding, and it is definitely less stressful than being here. I wish I could start to like school more.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What do you do

When you want something so much but it's impossible, when you love something so much but you know it will be gone soon and there's nothing you can do

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Last night, I was finally reunited with my two dear friends Meri and Nina! What a night. We went to starbucks and drove around then went back to Meri's. It was such a good night though, I can't believe it had been so long since we last hung out. It's so great how at home you can just do nothing with your friends but still have a great time. I hate how Thanksgiving break is so short. I know it is just going to fly by even though I have so much to do. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to make a visit to the library today. I had to drop my accounting class because there was just no way that I would be able to pull my grade up enough, so I have to work extra hard in all of my other classes. But oh well, enough thinking about that. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I can't believe it. I don't think we're doing anything too exciting. It's hard to really go anywhere with Julia not feeling well, so we will probably just have dinner with the family and then watch a movie at night. I kind of miss big Thanksgivings, but I know it will be better and less stressful for everyone to just have dinner at home. Strangely, I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving food. I like turkey, but I'm not a big fan of gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. Maybe I should just be kicked out of America. So anyways, tomorrow isn't really a big day for me. But on Friday, we're going black Friday shopping, so hopefully it won't be too crazy and we can get some good deals. Hope everyone has a great time these next few days!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


So remember the accounting midterm I had last week that I thought I failed? Well, I did. I honestly don't know how this happened. How did I attend every class, pay attention, but not learn anything? It doesn't make sense to me, especially since I am doing well in all of my other classes. Anyways, I need to get at least a C in the class to pass, and I don't even know if I can do that. Today is the last day to drop the class, which I don't want to do because it will look really bad, but at the same time, it will look even worse to not pass it. So I need to make a big decision by the end of the day. I wish I could talk to my mom about it, but I'm worried she will be upset with me. How did I get into this mess?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Made it

Well, if you all remember, last week was the the worst week ever. But somehow I survived and made it through and now I am HOME for thanksgiving break! Yes, Thanksgiving break doesn't officially start until next Tuesday, but I just needed to go home! Plus, some of my classes were canceled anyways. Wow, did you know "canceled" only has one "l"? I didn't until my computer corrected my spelling. What a lesson. So anyways, I am pretty sure I failed my accounting midterm on Thursday unless there is an extremely large curve. The grades are supposed to be up tomorrow, but I really don't think I'm going to have the courage to check it. Except I need to decided whether or not to drop the class by Tuesday, so I'll have to check pretty soon. But after the test, I was so sick, I threw up. That's how bad it was. And I had a terrible head ache so I just went to bed. Yesterday, I had tests in psych and finite, but they were not as bad. Today, I drove home with Maddie and Jenna. It wasn't a bad drive at all, which was nice. Since I've been home, I've just skyped a little and done some laundry. AND had home-cooked food, which was amazing. I am so looking forward to a relaxing week, but unfortunately, I have a ton of homework to catch up on. In other news, I'm listening to my iTunes on shuffle right now and it has been a great lineup. Usually I have to skip songs, but they've been so good. Jack Johnson is on now. Anyways, have a good rest of the weekend everybody!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Rainy day

It is so rainy out today. Personally, I am loving it. This is my favorite kind of weather. Hopefully it will put me in a study mood tonight because I have SO much to do. It's ridiculous. I just came from my accounting class and I am more freaked out than ever. My teacher said not to memorize anything, just to learn the theory, but honestly, I do NOT understand accounting theory so it's going to be straight up memorizing a million formulas for me. So that's going to be pretty fun tonight. I wish it wasn't such a fast-paced class because I think if I had more time I could really understand it and maybe like it. Oh well. I have a a full semester accounting class next semester! Except I might actually take it over the summer instead. Well I need to go study so sorry for the most boring post ever.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Hell week

Well this week is going to be AWFUL. Even though I had so much fun at Madison, it probably was not the best idea to go because I have so much due this week. Thursday night I have my accounting midterm (from 9-11 pm....yuck) which is going to be extremely hard. Then Friday I have a psych exam and a math exam. The math test will be so hard because I feel like I don't really understand this unit. The psych shouldn't be hard, but I need to do really well on it because I don't want to have to take the final! So yeah...I will probably be in the library every night this week. In other news, Kid Cudi's CD came out last week and I just started listening to it this weekend. I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet. His last CD was just so good, this one is a lot more chill. But I'm going to listen a couple times before I make an opinion. Well, back to homework YAYYYY.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

No, badgers

Well this title is in reference to the show parks & recreation when leslie goes on a date with a guy from University of Wisconsin. I don't really know how to explain the joke but just watch the show and you will think it is hilarious. So this weekend I drove up to Wisconsin with Katherine, Maddie, and Morgan and visited Mitch for the IU Wisconsin game. What a weekend. We went out Friday night and met a lot of Mitch's friends, then woke up EARLY yesterday for the game. Indiana lost terribly, but it was just fun to hang out! Except I kept getting booed walking around downtown Madison. Even though it was rainy, it was a fun day all in all. Mitch is passed out sleeping on the floor right now so I thought I would just write about the weekend. Anyways, Madison is SUCH a beautiful city, I had never noticed that before. There's so much to do, which is really nice for a college town. And the capitol building is gorgeous. I wish I could post a picture on here of the drive in, but I don't think I took one. Anyways, I'm starving so hopefully Mitch will wake up soon. We have to leave in like 2 hours sadly. I'm dreading going back because I have an ungodly amount of work to do. But it will be so good to be able to get a good night's sleep tonight and everything. Then home next weekend for Thanksgiving break! Well, I'll go now and maybe try to wake Mitch up hope everyone had a good weekend!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Indian summer

It has been CRAZY warm this week here in bloomington! Last week it was normal November weather-40s and 50s, which I was totally okay with because I really like fall weather. But it has been 70s this whole week. I have to say, it's a little stressful because I have no idea what to wear in these conditions. But oh well, I guess I should enjoy it while I can! Right now, I'm just sitting in the library studying for my intro to business test later. I have actually done all the reading/notes for this one, so I'm hoping for an A! But who knows. If anyone's looking for a good song, I would suggest Girls with Accents by Fences. I don't really know any of their other songs, but it's really good! Definitely more of a studying song than a going out one though. In other news, only a week and a half until Thanksgiving break! I cannot wait to go home and see everyone and just relax. Also tomorrow I'm going to Madison! So it's going to be a great weekend. Thank goodness for that because last weekend was so amazing that I needed to do something exciting this weekend too. Well happy thursday everyone, only one more day til the weekend!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Wow, I worked out for the first time in forever and I have to say, what a rush! I felt so good and energized afterwards and it has just lasted for hours. I guess I've been in kind of a funk this week but I have a total runner's high! If you haven't worked out recently, DO IT. I know it sucks especially the whole changing/going to the gym thing, but once you get there, it is the best feeling in the world.

Monday, November 8, 2010

BEST/worst weekend ever

Wow, what a weekend. I was going to write yesterday when I got home but I was SO tired it was crazy. So anyways, on Thursday I left Indiana and went to visit Richmond! It was a long journey involving a bus and 2 plane rides but totally worth it. The moment the pilot announced we were starting to descend, I looked out the window at the familiar and landscape and knew I was home. So sad to say considering I had a home and had to leave. But anyways, Anelisa and Phil picked me up from, the airport and all of us just couldn't believe we were together again. Then we walked around campus, just seeing everyone, and finally Taylor got back from babysitting and so we of course attacked each other right when we saw each other. Then we all went out to dinner with JA. Just such a great night, it was like a family dinner, and even though I hadn't been there all semester we could never run out of things to talk about. It was so weird because I truly felt like I never left. So anyways, Tay and I went out that night. There wasn't too much going on, but it was a lot of fun! And I got to see some people that I missed. On Friday we hung out on campus then went shopping with Tay and Mara. I have just really missed little things like that. Hanging out with them was so perfect and so much fun. Ugh I am getting sad just writing about it. Then Taylor had her social so I hung out with Phil and Anelisa all night which was great and just like old times. On Saturday, Mara and I went to the game for a little, but NO ONE was there so we just hung out with people and didn't stay too long. Saturday night was amazing because all of the b3 girls came over to Taylor's and I have been missing them dearly. So we all just hung out and it was a great night because I got to see so many people that I've been missing. I won't name them all, but it was amazing. Even though the night ended in some tears, it was just so wonderful to be back. So yes, it was really the best weekend ever. But in some ways it was the worst because now I am just so sad. When I was there, everything just felt perfect and I had a place and people who I loved so much. I just wish there wasn't so much going on at home and life wasn't the way that it is. But I guess you just have to deal with things that come your way and try not to look back too much. At least I can still stay in touch with everyone there, and I know I will stay close with a lot of them. So even though it was the hardest thing ever, it was great and I am so glad I got to go and see everyone. If any of my spiders are reading this I love you all xoxox.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Happy November!

Wow, I cannot believe today is the first day of November! I love this month so much, because it reminds me of Thanksgiving and Christmas, both of which are coming up! Although I am not so sure that I'm looking forward to the cold weather. Anyways, I'm sitting in the psych lab finishing up my business project. I was just laughing out loud because my dad sent me a funny email. Those little things can really just brighten up your day! Anyways, people were staring but it was worth it. I laugh a lot when I'm alone, like when I'm reading a funny text while walking or if I just think about something funny that happened, I lose it. Thank goodness I don't usually know any of the people I see when I'm walking around! Today is such a busy day because I have 3 classes and my math webwork due tonight, which I don't understand. So frustrating! Luckily, Katherine is helping me with it later, but knowing us, it will be very hard to concentrate. Last night we watched New York Minute with Maddie staring the amazingly talented Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen! I can't get over how great they are; all of their movies are such hits! Some might think I'm being sarcastic, but I can promise you I'm not, at all. Anyways even though it wasn't a scary movie it was a great way to end Halloween!

Friday, October 29, 2010


Well, starting yesterday the temperature has completely dropped. So now it is FREEZING outside! Don't forget your coat and gloves like I did yesterday. Anyways, now classes are finally over and it's halloween weekend. I am kind of excited! Except I have an insane amount of work to do and I don't feel very well, so I might only go out tonight. But we'll see, maybe I'll actually get some work done today! In other news, Mitch just sent me the most amazing song ever, the new one by ke$ha. I don't care what people say about her, her music is amazing. I cannot listen to one of her songs and not be in a good mood. She just likes to live her life and have fun and there's nothing wrong with that. I am totally in the mood to watch a scary movie, but I don't have one sadly. Well, this has been a very rambling post. Happy Halloween weekend everyone!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Well, I thought this would be a good title because 1) it is almost Halloween and 2) I am currently OBSESSED with the song Haunted by Taylor Swift. If you haven't listened to it yet...listen NOW!!! It is amazing and currently on repeat in my iTunes. Sometimes Taylor Swift is a little too sappy/pop for me, but this is a great song. Anyways it's getting late so this is a pretty short one. Wish me luck tomorrow as I get through my 4 classes and then do homework for probably the whole night!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


There is currently a tornado warning in Bloomington, IN so everyone be careful. During my law class, everyone got a text at the same time about the tornado and that we needed to get to a low part of the building. Luckily for our teacher, we were already in a safe part of the building (even though we were on the second floor...), so we got to continue class. But, we got out early, which was nice. Anyways, it is extremely stormy and rainy here today as you may have guessed. Unforunately I do not have my rainboots here, since I left them at home. So my feet are a little cold in my flip flops, but at least I have my raincoat! I love that thing. Today is going to be a rough one because I have two new classes starting since they are only 8 weeks long. They are accounting and career perspectives so it's going to be pretty boring. I have 4 classes today so I'm out from 9:30-5! Hopefully I won't get too hungry in between. I didn't think they would be that hard, but I just read the syllabuses for both of them and it looks like a lot of work...great. In other news, I just printed out a bunch of stuff in the library and I think I broke the stapler so I'm feeling pretty ashamed right now. Well, I should probably get back to work considering all the pages of reading I have! Good luck to everyone in these dangerous weather conditions

Monday, October 25, 2010

What a weekend

Well this weekend was pretty much crazy! I thought since a lot of people were going out of town, it would be pretty tame..not at all. Anyways it was nice because I was done with all of my tests so I got to just relax a little! Today is very strange-it's between 70-80 degrees-at the end of october! I can definitely say that this weather is very weird for me. I'm wearing shorts and a tshirt and I feel like I should be wearing a sweatshirt and boots. So that's nice I guess. Ugh I am starting another class this week so I have a lab tonight from 5:30-6:45! I do not want to go at all....I should not have come home in between because now I'm just lying on my bed so comfy and I'm going to have to get up soon. Anyways must get up and go to class happy monday!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Almost done!

Wow this has truly been an awful week. But I just basically finished my business project FINALLY. Actually I really shouldn't say that because I actually didn't work on it that long. I would say a good 3 or 4 hours. However, I did brainstorm and plan for it for a while, which is usually what ends up making something I do good or bad. I really don't know how else I could have done better, besides conducting more research. I really need an A on this, so hopefully it will pull through! This is the first time I've had to write a long paper in a while, so I'm kind of out of practice. Anyways, it's only 1 and it isn't due until 4, so I feel like I should be working on it a little longer. But I think I'll just print everything out and then do my law homework! Tonight I'm totally looking forward to a relaxing night in. Then tomorrow is the weekend. Strangely, I'm not very excited for it. I wish I was going home, but oh well. Next weekend will be Halloween which should be really fun. Hopefully I'll get to see Meri! She had to go to traffic school in Bloomington, IL last night and it sounded like a great time. I have no idea really what I'm going to be yet..hopefully Morgan and Rachel and I will go shopping this weekend since everyone else is going out of town! Good luck getting through the rest of the week everyone!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

long time, no writing

Well, it has been quite a long time since i've last written to say the least! these past two weeks have been terrible. i've had SO much work! (last week a test on thursday and a midterm on saturday morning-ew-and this week a test yesterday and a project due thursday. the project is worth 20% of my grade and it's for the class i'm currently doing the worst in, so i havta step it up). anyways it has just been a completely stressful time in my life. the one good thing was that lauren came to visit last weekend! it was great to see her even though i had to spend so much time studying and such. but we still had a fun time just hanging out and watching lots of episodes of desperate housewives. speaking of, i haven't watched sunday night's episode yet. i think on thursday night i'm just going to watch a bunch of tv and relax because then all of my big things to do will FINally be done with! thank goodness. i cannot wait for that day. even though i only have my project left, i know that will be the hardest thing i'll have to do. and knowing me, i'll be doing most of it wednesday night and thursday morning. oh well. have a lovely week everyone and try to enjoy this beautiful fall weather!

Monday, October 4, 2010

this weekend

What a great weekend! even better than i anticipated. it was my sister's birthday, so i went home which was of course amazing. i just love being able to sleep in my own bed and walk around my own house, there is nothing more comforting. and of course the best part was seeing my family and my dog, chloe! i have missed them all so much. anyways, friday i got home and went out to dinner with my mom and then just relaxed. saturday we went to benihana for dinner..yummmm. two of my cousins came with too which was really fun, and it was good to see them both. then yesterday i just packed and watched a movie with julia. all in all it was great to relax at home! i drove back to school since i'm going home next weekend too. so even though i was sad to leave home, at least i know i'll be back soon!

Friday, October 1, 2010

new month!

Even though today is just the first day of october, it TOTALLY feels like a new month! it was a little chillier today, there is definitely some wind blowing the leaves around, and looking out the window of the library, the trees are a million different colors. it's beautiful, i wish i could take a picture of it! we missed the bus this morning so we had to walk to class, but i didn't even really mind because it was so nice out! even though most people are pretty tired on friday mornings, everyone seems to have energy today...must be the excitement of a new month or the wonderful weather! i am so excited because i am going home for the weekend! i'm taking the bus today and it drops me off at oakbrook mall where my mom will pick me up. it's julia's birthday tomorrow so i am so glad that i can celebrate with my family and be with them. i am also so excited to just be home, sleeping in my own bed, and getting to eat good food! i'm guessing it will be a bit colder at home, but i don't even mind. it will truly be autumn there and i know it will be so pretty! well, i should get back to work have a good weekend everyone!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

back down to the ground

So i thought i failed my business test last week, but when i checked my grade yesterday, i was pleasantly surprised to see i actually did okay! not as great as i would have preferred definitely, but MUCH better than i thought. well, today we went over the test a little bit in class, and it turns out that there was a huge curve. so without the curve, i actually did as bad as i thought i did, even worse. so that brought me down a little bit to say the least

Monday, September 27, 2010

"when we say things like people don't change, it drives scientists crazy. because change is literally the only constant in all of science. energy; matter; it's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. it's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. the way we cling to the way things were instead of letting them be what they are. the way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. the way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. change is constant. how we experience change-that's up to us. it can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. if we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. like at any moment, we can have another chance at life. like at any moment, we can be born all over again"-meredith grey

Sunday, September 26, 2010


Well the summer heat is finally starting to go away! yesterday we had a football game, and for the first time it started to feel like fall! there was a crisp breeze and leaves are starting to change colors and fall everywhere. i especially like walking on the sidewalks stepping on the crunchiest leaves. it is such a beautiful time; even though i'm sad that summer is ending, i know it will be back again and i have to say i'm a little excited not arriving at class all sweaty from the walk! i can't get over how pretty fall is- i love smelling the freshness in the air, drinking hot chocolate on a cool day, and watching the seasons change. although i am completely dreading winter, especially with my hike to class, i am glad to know it's still far off. i hope to just enjoy autumn and appreciate all of the colors around me!

Friday, September 24, 2010


It is so windy out today, which is a nice change from the hot weather we've been having. i hate sweating just walking to class! i have a math test in an hour and i really don't feel like studying anymore even though i know i should. so that's mainly why i'm writing because i don't want to study. ahhhhh bye for now

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Étudier means "to study" in french (for those people not as obsessed with the language as i am). Anyways why is this so hard for me to do??? i had a test today and i have one tomorrow too. thank goodness they were not on the same day or i honestly don't know what i would do. like many people i am SUCH a procrastinator. it's a habit i really wish i could get rid of. but i doubt that will happen any time soon. for some reason i cannot make myself do work unless it's crunch time. and when it is, i can get through books and hardly be distracted at all. unfortunately, by that time, i don't have enough time to read the material and study it. it's not that i'm not organized. i am. i write down everything in my planner, line up all of my books, and make great study plans. i just have the hardest time sticking to the study plans i create! when i do follow them and force myself to do some textbook reading, i can't focus and read paragraphs over and over. gahhhhh. but enough about that. i just have a math test tomorrow and then i'm free! who even knows what i'll do this weekend- but probably a lot of relaxing! and hopefully some library time to get caught up on the classes i've fallen behind on this week. we'll see if that actually happens....

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

modern family

Modern family is currently my favorite show EVER. it is hilarious and if you have never seen it before i suggest you get over to and watch it now. the humor is really subtle and it just makes me laugh and laugh for the stupidest reasons. all of the characters are so funny, it's hard to even pick a favorite because they are all so unique. also, each episode has a little life lesson at the end, which i like. i think the main reason i love this show so much is because it depicts a family and everything that goes along with a family-the fighting, the disagreements, the silliness, the complexities, the mistakes, and the togetherness. maybe i'm analyzing it too much? but oh well, it is a great show and puts me in a good mood no matter what! i have a TON of work to do, but i let myself have a half hour break to watch....actually i have been taking way too many breaks whoops. anyways longer post later after this crazy week is over!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

good day.

I realized recently that i really only blog about bad things in my life..i guess it's just a way for me to get my feelings out. but i usually am a pretty positive person. so i'm going to write about yesterday which was a GREAT day (i was too tired to write last night). anyways, it started off normally enough: i went to class in the morning, studied in the library, went to class again, and then did a psych experiment. then i came back to my room and relaxed for a little bit. then meri came to visit! she goes to school a little under an hour away. it was so great and just a wonderful way to start my week. we went out to dinner at a thai restaurant and even though we both were doubled over in pain because of our stomach aches afterwards, it was totally worth it. then we went on a little walk around campus, came back to my room, and watched heathers. it was just so much fun and so good to have someone who knows me so well here. i don't think she reads this but just in case THANKS MER!!!!! it's just so comforting knowing that she is so close and we can visit each other so easily. that truly is the best thing about coming here so far; i guess this is part of being closer to home because now i'm closer to all of my friends and visits are a lot easier. hopefully i'll get to visit her soon too! anyways, what an exciting monday.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

homesick part 2

So my mom just visited me which was amazing! But she stayed less than a day :( so hard, but i know she really had to get home. anyways, seeing her was amazing but now i just miss her so much and i am sitting in my room all alone so that is really hard. i just miss her so much. we really have gotten a lot closer. it is SO weird though and i don't understand this...last year i was so much farther away from home, yet i really wasn't this homesick at all. i definitely missed everyone, but not this much. maybe because i was having such a good time and not thinking about it as much. having a roommate who was also a built in best friend helped a lot too. i think i'm having a such a hard time because i don't have a really close friend here yet-that is something i have always needed to keep me going. but i know i just have to give it time and there are so many people here that i will meet. patience is just harder than it seems

Monday, September 13, 2010


I am soooo homesick and i know this is a stupid thing to complain about but i just have to write about it. i usually have no problems with missing home, but i guess this summer i just became closer to my family in new ways and i really appreciated the comforts of being home. i'm going home in about 2 and a half weeks but it just isn't soon enough. the thing is, when i'm at home i'll probably just lie around the house, read, and watch tv, all of which i can do here, but there's something not the same about it. even though it's basically still summer, i can't stop thinking about the holidays. there is something so great about everyone being together in the cold weather with a fire in the living room and apple pie. i can't even remember the last time we had apple pie, but something about it feels comforting and reminds me of home. i also miss all of my friends a TON probably because it's kind of lonely here. it's not that i don't know anyone, it's just a different atmosphere- much bigger and less personal. there are definitely good things and bad things about that but sometimes it just gets to me. counting down the days til i see everyone again!

Sunday, September 12, 2010


i have been having a lot of nightmares lately and i don't know why. i am a person who really thinks that dreams mean something, and i am not going to write exactly what mine have been about but it's pretty obvious that they mean something. i think that dreaming is our brain's way of working out something that we are struggling with. anyways, my nightmares are not always exactly the same but they have been about pretty much the same thing. i just don't know how to get these bad things out of my head i guess and i don't know how to deal with it. how can you stop thinking about something and stop letting it consume you??

Monday, September 6, 2010

new beginnings

So it has been a long time since i posted! i guess i have just been sooooo busy..not sure if this is a good thing or not. it is now september, which usually makes me think of new books, new classes, a new school year. but this year EVERYTHING is new, which i'm not sure if i like. school definitely isn't as bad as it could be, but it doesn't feel like home yet. i'm not really comfortable and i'm missing everyone that i'm close with. one good thing is that all of my friends and i have done a good job with keeping up so far. i text them daily and we've been skyping/ talking on the phone a lot. so that's reassuring. anyways, i guess i'm just really homesick right now. i'm thinking about going home soon for a weekend. i don't know why, but there's something about sleeping in your own bed and being around your family that's reassuring! hopefully i'll continue adjusting and everything and get passed the homesickness. more later.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

it's coming soon..

i literally cannot believe summer is ending. literally. usually i am kind of prepared for it, and i get sad like 2 weeks before it ends. but i'm not sad yet; i'm just in denial. i just packed away half of my clothes and now i am FREAKING out because i just realized i am actually going to have to leave soon. my dad and i are driving down tomorrow to move in some of my stuff and then on tuesday my mom and i are going to bring the rest of it. i am so nervous for this adjustment. will i ever feel at home at my new school? i am so sad to be leaving everyone i know and love and going to a completely foreign place where i really don't know or trust anyone. i know i did it last year and i was fine, but what if i just got lucky? what if things aren't going to be that easy again? ugh i am just so nervous. i don't want summer to ever end. i wish i could just spend time with my family and friends and watch tv. obviously this is not an option at all. i guess i just needed to get some of my feelings of anxiety out so there it is

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


life is so unfair. it really sucks. so enjoy everyday that you have and never forget to remember all of the good things in your life because one day they could truly all be taken away without any warning

Sunday, August 15, 2010


it has really been a LONG time since i've written. but someone mentioned blogging the other day and it made me want to get back to my blog. it is just weird to me because it's sort of like a diary in a way, but it's open for people to read. i guess i could make it private but i kind of like that it's out there for other people to see if they want to. anyways, a lot has happened recently. summer is coming to an end so i'm pretty bummed. it also seems like a lot more than just summer has come to an end. a lot of things are changing and i don't want them to. i feel like life is really all about holding onto things and then getting them taken away from us. nothing lasts forever, and some things only last for a short amount of time. things are always changing. and while this is SO unfair i guess that's just the way it is and there's nothing to do about it. my whole life i feel like i have fought against this idea, but what if for once i just embraced it? what if i didn't fight life? this really seems impossible but it's something to think about

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

wherever you go, there you are

this is something to consider

Saturday, January 16, 2010


i feel like i only write in this when i'm upset, but i just can't help it. i don't even want to say what happened because it is embarrassing but i am just SO upset. i don't think anyone knows that this is bothering me but i want to try to keep it together and not seem like i am dying inside. much worse things have happened in my life, and this is hardly the end of the world, but sometimes it's hard to handle disappointments.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


sometimes i honestly hate my life. i was convinced for a while that i liked it, but not anymore. today i did not vacuum the house so my parents completely blew up at me. i'm sorry i didn't vacuum. i really didn't feel like it. i will do it tomorrow. why is it such a big deal???? but now everyone is mad at each other and it is awful. ahhhhhh