Changin it up

Hi everyone! So I have realized my past few posts have been extremely depressing. My bad. My life doesn't totally suck 100% of the time, I think I just always blog when I'm emotional cause I don't know who to talk to about it. Anyways, here are some things I'm loving right now:
1. THE OLYMPICS!!!! Totally obsessed. I'm being antisocial these weeks because I need to watch as much as possible. My favorite event is the swimming by far (maybe because I used to swim competitively) but I also love the women's gymnastics. I totally had tears in my eyes during the awards ceremony tonight.

 Love Missy Franklin and the fact that she was wearing pearls at her awards ceremony:)

2. Only 9 more days left of work! I'm glad I'm working so much this summer because Lord knows I need to save money, but if you know me, you know how draining it's been on me. I'll be so happy to finally have freedom.
3. Francesca's (the store). So obsessed. They have the cutest stuff right now! Went there today and accidentally bought 3 tops, woops. But they are having a buy one get one 50% off sale, so that makes it a little better, right? That's just what I'll tell myself but for the most part, they are reasonably priced and good quality.


Hopefully another post to come soon as long as this work week's not too tough! Xoxox, Anne

Remembering

I've been remembering a lot of things from the past lately. They just come and flood my head and I can't stop them. I laugh at first and then cry because they're gone and they will never be back. Sometimes I wish I could forget my entire childhood because it just hurts so much to look back and know that things will never be like that, I don't know if I can ever be as happy as I was when Julia was well. I miss her so much and it's so hard.

help

Sometimes I am so stressed out I don't know what to do. I always have head aches and I just dread going home. I don't even know where the stress comes from it's just this feeling of tension that I always have and carry with me. My mom just came into my room and basically dumped all of her problems on me and I feel bad, I really do. I want to help her. It's just that I feel like I'm hardly surviving and there's no way to tell her that. No one knows but I feel like I'm hanging on by a string. Maybe I'm exaggerating. I go out with my friends sometimes and have fun, but the second it's over, everything comes rushing back to me. How do people deal with life. It's just too hard sometimes.

Fainting

Blog readers,
The other day (tuesday) I fainted for the first time EVER. Such a strange experience and who knows if it will happen again so I have to document it. I don't know why it happened. Maybe because I took one of my codeine pills for my leg and those sometimes make me a little light-headed. But nothing like this. So I took it and felt like normal, then about an hour later, I had a headache/stomachache combo and just felt awful. Unfortunately, that combination is not rare for me so I didn't think much of it. I had dinner with my mom and sister since I hadn't eaten for a while ( I had a turkey burger and salad it was delicious) and I just felt like I was going to throw up. My mom was telling me something and taking forever to tell her story and I just remember thinking hurry up! And I was nearly falling into my salad plate. Next thing I know I am lying on the ground and my mother is SCREAMING my name over and over. I felt so weak like I couldn't move. Plus my head and stomach felt worse than ever. The weird thing is it was like I was waking up from a dream because I could kind of remember what I was thinking about, but it slipped away from me really quickly. Apparently my mom had been calling my name for like 3 minutes and I was just lying there in a blackout. I was so hot and clammy when I woke up and my dad brought me a pillow and cold cloth for my head (so thoughtful) so I could rest on the ground. Then I went upstairs and got in my bed and rested for the remainder of the night.
Sadly, this is the most exciting thing that has happened to me all summer. Oh well! But now I am scared to take my pain meds again which is really unfortunate because they help so much. Well that's it for now. Except for today I nearly couldn't breathe at work and kept coughing so I think I might be developing asthma. Which would be cool because I've always wanted an inhaler and it would be nice to have something to help with the coughing fits. Well more news if that turns into anything! xoxox

more than usual

Most people see me as a happy-go-lucky, carefree person. If only they could see me inside where I am so sad all of the time. And it can never get better. I MISS MY SISTER. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, ALWAYS HAD MY BACK, WOULD LISTEN TO ME, AND EVEN THOUGH WE FOUGHT ALL THE TIME WE LOVED EACH OTHER AND WERE THE BEST FRIENDS EVER. There, I said it. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean it's not always on my mind. There's just some stuff you don't say in normal conversations. Like hi how are you oh I'm not very good I'm watching my sister slowly die and she won't even hug me or talk to me anymore. It just will never happen. The past week, I've been sadder than usual and I just don't know why some days it decides to hit me so hard. Life isn't fair, that is the only truth I know in the world.

"There is no answer; there's just life"-oth