Friday, April 29, 2011

Last day

Today was my last day of class. Sophomore year is over. It is so so weird. When I think of where I was last year at this time, it makes me so sad. So much has changed. But I guess some things have changed for the better. Sometimes you just have to stop asking what if? and accept things for what they are, both the good and the bad.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

good and bad

The semester is ending. I'll be happy to be home....for about 5 hours. Then I will be bored. And my parents will start fighting. And my dad will yell at me. And my sister will be sick. And I'll have nothing to do, no escape. As much as I wish I was home sometimes, I also dread it. My friends will only be a car ride away, but it will seem far. I can't even run to escape things, since my foot still isn't healed. I am looking forward to going home, but also, not really.

Monday, April 25, 2011


That is just all I feel right now. I wonder if I'm getting sick? I kind of hope so, because at least it would be an explanation.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I really hate how on tv shows people survive car crashes. They beat cancer. They don't get real diseases. In real life, people don't get "lucky," they don't "pull through." In real life, people die, lives change, people get hurt, and people fall apart. Forever.

Monday, April 18, 2011


I feel like I'm falling apart. I can see myself drifting into this bad state..where I make bad decisions and don't focus on anything. There are only 3 weeks of school left, and I don't want to blow my entire semester on this. Can it just please wait until I get home for summer THEN I can deal with things and sleep for a week? I don't have time to do that now.

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Tragedy. I think I have a stress fracture and I have been walking with a limp everywhere. It's awful if you can't imagine. Anyways, last night I finally went to the ER. I had to wait in the waiting room for an hour, then a patient room for an hour, get the x-ray, then wait for a doctor to come in and tell me that they didn't see anything on the I should just rest my foot and lay off the running. Uhhhh, thanks, I already found that out from googling stress fracture treatment a million times. So frustrating. And while I'm happy nothing worse is going on, it's hard that there is nothing proactive I can do about it. Oh well. Just hope that it gets better because the limp thing is getting old/embarrassing.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them and others you don't. But in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into, and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

Sex and the City

Monday, April 4, 2011

blah day

Nothing can be said about to besides it was blah....and an awful day for me. It was raining, which was so nice. Except I had so much to do. And I ended up being tired and not being able to focus and getting nothing done. Tomorrow will have to be very structured to make up for it.
Why do I keep feeling like this? Like my head is so tired that all of my thoughts fall out? I make a plan, decide I'm going to get things done, and then never end up doing them. Not a good way to live. I just never want to leave my bed. Why is it that I have a good week and a half where I have energy and stay on track and then I collapse and give up on everything? How can I stay motivated to be awake and live?

Sunday, April 3, 2011


My mom visited this weekend. It was the greatest! We have so much fun together, and she always laughs at my weird sense of humor. Anyways, she had to go back home, and now I feel terribly alone. I cannot wait to go home. I need to be with her and Julia. I just can't wait for school to get out when I can be there all the time. I just feel like they need me. I have a hard position in my family, but it's a necessary one. With all that has happened, I need to make them happy. If I can make them smile, then sometimes I feel like things might actually be okay.