Thursday, October 20, 2011

bad day.

Today has been a terrible day. I got really bad news that I didn't get something I really wanted. I am just beyond disappointed. I feel like everything in my life just goes to crap. I know I am blowing things out of proportion, but why can't things ever go right for me? Ughhhh. I just feel so worthless, like everything I do is wrong. And I hate this feeling. I'm telling myself to just try harder, but sometimes life just sucks.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Notes from a Dragon Mom
I just read this article and it almost made me cry. Not because it's terribly sad, which it is. But because I could relate to the mother in it on so many levels. From the sounds of the article, my sister has (kind of) a similar disease to her child. Anyways, the point is that both children will die prematurely and suffer throughout their lives. My sister's disease has taken such a toll of my life--taking away a large part of my happiness and filling it with incredible sadness. I think about it every day, probably every hour, and I cannot imagine it getting any better. But it is 100 times harder for my mom. Burying a child is probably the hardest thing to do. It goes against the natural order of life. Sure, when someone's grandmother dies, that sucks. But when someone dies prematurely when they are loved and needed by people, that is the worst thing in the world. It is something that is impossible to understand unless you, too, have lost someone too soon. It's so easy to live life day to day without a care in the world, but until something truly awful happens to you, which not many people have experienced, you do not know the real meaning of suffering or pain. I hate that people have to go through these experiences, both of having a terrible disease and being in pain as well as those who have to watch and hurt for that person every day.

Friday, October 14, 2011

So unbelievably stressed

I can't even believe how terrible this week has been. I had a midterm monday, a midterm tuesday, an interview wednesday, a test on wednesday, and a huge midterm tomorrow (yes, on a saturday). Plus meetings almost every night. It is more than I can handle! I am freaking out for my midterm tomorrow because it is all about computers and we only get an hour and a half to do it. I am not good at computers/technology at all. So I will be in the library ALL night practicing. But tomorrow night, I am going to visit my friend at school, so at least there is one thing to look forward to.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Maybe it’s not blood bonds that make us a family. Perhaps it’s the people who know our secrets and love us anyway. -Gossip Girl

Saturday, October 8, 2011

stay beautiful.

if you and i are a story
that never gets told
if what you are is a daydream
i'll never get to hold,
at least you'll know

you're beautiful,
every little piece love
and don't you know
you're really gonna be someone
ask anyone
and when you find everything you look for,
i hope your life leads you back to my door
but if it don't, stay beautiful

Saturday, October 1, 2011