Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve used to be my favorite day of the year. But now it is probably the worst/loneliest. I am sitting in my room wrapping gifts for my mom. It is just so stupid. Julia and I used to always do this together. Actually she doesn't know how to wrap, so I would wrap the presents and she would keep me company and we would listen to Christmas music. Even when she was sick, this was something we could always do together. Now, she isn't even here and my mom and I are leaving in about an hour to drive downtown to spend Christmas Eve with her. I don't even know if she'll be alive next year. She is already gone in so many ways. I am just so sad and lonely without her. Christmas was always such a fun time for us. Now, I don't even feel like it's Christmas. Actually, the whole holiday makes me angry. What is the point of buying all this stuff for people when they don't even need it? The only thing I could ever want for Christmas is something that no one could ever get me. Why are we still buying all of this stuff and why do I have to wrap it? It's such a waste of time and it makes me sick. At least we're going to Christmas Eve service in the city tonight so I don't have to see all of the fake people at my church. I am so sick of living in a place where the worst thing that could happen to people is not getting what they want for Christmas. This town makes me feel sick to my stomach day after day. This entire holiday makes me feel sick. I hope there are a few people out there who actually appreciate what they have, who are enjoying spending time with their families instead of thinking about what they're going to open up tomorrow.