homesick part 2

So my mom just visited me which was amazing! But she stayed less than a day :( so hard, but i know she really had to get home. anyways, seeing her was amazing but now i just miss her so much and i am sitting in my room all alone so that is really hard. i just miss her so much. we really have gotten a lot closer. it is SO weird though and i don't understand this...last year i was so much farther away from home, yet i really wasn't this homesick at all. i definitely missed everyone, but not this much. maybe because i was having such a good time and not thinking about it as much. having a roommate who was also a built in best friend helped a lot too. i think i'm having a such a hard time because i don't have a really close friend here yet-that is something i have always needed to keep me going. but i know i just have to give it time and there are so many people here that i will meet. patience is just harder than it seems

homesick

I am soooo homesick and i know this is a stupid thing to complain about but i just have to write about it. i usually have no problems with missing home, but i guess this summer i just became closer to my family in new ways and i really appreciated the comforts of being home. i'm going home in about 2 and a half weeks but it just isn't soon enough. the thing is, when i'm at home i'll probably just lie around the house, read, and watch tv, all of which i can do here, but there's something not the same about it. even though it's basically still summer, i can't stop thinking about the holidays. there is something so great about everyone being together in the cold weather with a fire in the living room and apple pie. i can't even remember the last time we had apple pie, but something about it feels comforting and reminds me of home. i also miss all of my friends a TON probably because it's kind of lonely here. it's not that i don't know anyone, it's just a different atmosphere- much bigger and less personal. there are definitely good things and bad things about that but sometimes it just gets to me. counting down the days til i see everyone again!

dreams

i have been having a lot of nightmares lately and i don't know why. i am a person who really thinks that dreams mean something, and i am not going to write exactly what mine have been about but it's pretty obvious that they mean something. i think that dreaming is our brain's way of working out something that we are struggling with. anyways, my nightmares are not always exactly the same but they have been about pretty much the same thing. i just don't know how to get these bad things out of my head i guess and i don't know how to deal with it. how can you stop thinking about something and stop letting it consume you??

new beginnings

So it has been a long time since i posted! i guess i have just been sooooo busy..not sure if this is a good thing or not. it is now september, which usually makes me think of new things..new books, new classes, a new school year. but this year EVERYTHING is new, which i'm not sure if i like. school definitely isn't as bad as it could be, but it doesn't feel like home yet. i'm not really comfortable and i'm missing everyone that i'm close with. one good thing is that all of my friends and i have done a good job with keeping up so far. i text them daily and we've been skyping/ talking on the phone a lot. so that's reassuring. anyways, i guess i'm just really homesick right now. i'm thinking about going home soon for a weekend. i don't know why, but there's something about sleeping in your own bed and being around your family that's reassuring! hopefully i'll continue adjusting and everything and get passed the homesickness. more later.

it's coming soon..

i literally cannot believe summer is ending. literally. usually i am kind of prepared for it, and i get sad like 2 weeks before it ends. but i'm not sad yet; i'm just in denial. i just packed away half of my clothes and now i am FREAKING out because i just realized i am actually going to have to leave soon. my dad and i are driving down tomorrow to move in some of my stuff and then on tuesday my mom and i are going to bring the rest of it. i am so nervous for this adjustment. will i ever feel at home at my new school? i am so sad to be leaving everyone i know and love and going to a completely foreign place where i really don't know or trust anyone. i know i did it last year and i was fine, but what if i just got lucky? what if things aren't going to be that easy again? ugh i am just so nervous. i don't want summer to ever end. i wish i could just spend time with my family and friends and watch tv. obviously this is not an option at all. i guess i just needed to get some of my feelings of anxiety out so there it is

Honestly

life is so unfair. it really sucks. so enjoy everyday that you have and never forget to remember all of the good things in your life because one day they could truly all be taken away without any warning

wow.

it has really been a LONG time since i've written. but someone mentioned blogging the other day and it made me want to get back to my blog. it is just weird to me because it's sort of like a diary in a way, but it's open for people to read. i guess i could make it private but i kind of like that it's out there for other people to see if they want to. anyways, a lot has happened recently. summer is coming to an end so i'm pretty bummed. it also seems like a lot more than just summer has come to an end. a lot of things are changing and i don't want them to. i feel like life is really all about holding onto things and then getting them taken away from us. nothing lasts forever, and some things only last for a short amount of time. things are always changing. and while this is SO unfair i guess that's just the way it is and there's nothing to do about it. my whole life i feel like i have fought against this idea, but what if for once i just embraced it? what if i didn't fight life? this really seems impossible but it's something to think about