more than usual

Most people see me as a happy-go-lucky, carefree person. If only they could see me inside where I am so sad all of the time. And it can never get better. I MISS MY SISTER. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, ALWAYS HAD MY BACK, WOULD LISTEN TO ME, AND EVEN THOUGH WE FOUGHT ALL THE TIME WE LOVED EACH OTHER AND WERE THE BEST FRIENDS EVER. There, I said it. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean it's not always on my mind. There's just some stuff you don't say in normal conversations. Like hi how are you oh I'm not very good I'm watching my sister slowly die and she won't even hug me or talk to me anymore. It just will never happen. The past week, I've been sadder than usual and I just don't know why some days it decides to hit me so hard. Life isn't fair, that is the only truth I know in the world.