Exhaustion

Oh my lord. First day at work, I hardly did anything, but I am beyond tired. Don't know how I am going to last for 10 weeks. It kind of made me sad today because I feel like I am wishing my life away, just waiting until something is over. I seriously wish I could just get paid to go to school! I love being there and I love learning (yeah, I'm a nerd). I just honestly hope that one day I can find a job that I truly love doing. Because so far, I haven't had that feeling about anything. I think that's why I decided I want to work for a few years before going to grad school to become a counselor. Right now that's what I really want to do, but what if I change my mind? Bleh, enough thinking about the future for one night.

This is Lennon and Maisy Stella. They are only 12 and 8 years old! Their musical talent is astounding. Seriously watch this I've watched it about 12 times over the course of the past 2 days.

Junejunejune

Eeee I can't believe it's June already! Actually, I kind of can. May seemed to go by so slowly, probably because I was all alone at home and bored. Even though it's not very June-y weather, I kind of like the coolness after all of the hot weather we'd been having. Well who knows what this month will bring! Hopefully I'll be working a lot and learning from that and getting to the pool too.

 

Internal locus of control

I have realized lately that I have a very high internal locus of control. This means that basically I believe that I control everything that happens to me. But it also makes me feel guilty pretty much all the time because I think everything is my fault. Sometimes even if I tell myself no this isn't your fault, I don't really believe it. I just think I should have complete control over myself and over everything in my life. I think I should be able to help everyone and make their lives better. But I can't always do that and it's so frustrating. Even when someone tells me something isn't my fault, I still believe it at least partially is.
I don't know why I'm going on about this. I guess it comes with the territory of being a psych major. It's good because I really do accept responsibility, but sometimes I just accept too much I guess.

Every time I close my eyes
it's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

In other news

I have been so lazy since I've been home! Well, I kind of have an excuse since I had a broken leg and was on crutches, but I've been walking really well for the past week. So tomorrow I'm joining a gym! I miss exercising and I think it will give me more energy. I just have no idea what exercise I'm gonna do besides the stationary bike, which I always find extremely boring. I could swim but I know that there's no way I'm going to want to do that, maybe I can force myself once or twice a week. But it will just be good to be going back to my old ways even if it will be really different.

I'm waiting on the light to change