Internal locus of control

I have realized lately that I have a very high internal locus of control. This means that basically I believe that I control everything that happens to me. But it also makes me feel guilty pretty much all the time because I think everything is my fault. Sometimes even if I tell myself no this isn't your fault, I don't really believe it. I just think I should have complete control over myself and over everything in my life. I think I should be able to help everyone and make their lives better. But I can't always do that and it's so frustrating. Even when someone tells me something isn't my fault, I still believe it at least partially is.
I don't know why I'm going on about this. I guess it comes with the territory of being a psych major. It's good because I really do accept responsibility, but sometimes I just accept too much I guess.

Every time I close my eyes
it's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

In other news

I have been so lazy since I've been home! Well, I kind of have an excuse since I had a broken leg and was on crutches, but I've been walking really well for the past week. So tomorrow I'm joining a gym! I miss exercising and I think it will give me more energy. I just have no idea what exercise I'm gonna do besides the stationary bike, which I always find extremely boring. I could swim but I know that there's no way I'm going to want to do that, maybe I can force myself once or twice a week. But it will just be good to be going back to my old ways even if it will be really different.

I'm waiting on the light to change

Happy may 19th yall

What I want for my birthday:

My parents not to fight

Julia's seizures to stop so she feels better

A new pair of sandals (because yes I can be a little materialistic)

But mostly the first two

Kenny Chesney you just did it again

I seriously wish this was my life.

I cannot handle being at home. I feel so guilty because all I can think about is being back at school. This is a terrible atmosphere and I am stressed out all the time.

Sometimes I can't get all the worries out of my head. No matter what I do I just keep worrying and it's like I want to turn my brain off but I can't. All I want to do is go to bed. It's 2am and I have to wake up tomorrow and get a lot of stuff done. But instead I'm watching It's Kind of a Funny Story hoping it will make me tired

Well this is about what my room looks like right now. I don't know how I'm ever going to unpack anything. And the unpacking so far has assured me that I do not need ANY more clothes for a very long time.

Call it a curse
Or just call me blessed
If you can't handle my worst, you ain't getting my best



New favorite song.